Snow Angel.

It is my Mamaw Dot's birthday today. I spent every Summer with that wonderful woman since I was born. She died when I was 17 with Alzheimer's. I miss her terribly. I miss her spaghetti and how I always managed to get it on me (somewhere that didn't make logical sense or follow gravitational rules). I miss her singing in her shaky, worn, but beautifully wistful voice. She would rock me to sleep in an old gray "leather" chair beside her bed when I couldn't sleep. The truth is, I could always sleep. I can still always sleep no matter what. I just liked to hear her sing to me. I miss Totino's pizzas and 90210 in her living room after a day of swimming with minimal sunscreen and painful sunburns that her woolen chairs hurt the hell out of. I miss that she let us ride our bikes in her neighborhood in the rain. I miss her pancakes she made us every morning and how she let us build a whole country of Barbie land all over the house. But, mostly, I just miss her. 
When she passed away, as I was a senior in high school, I got to say goodbye. But it wasn't the way I wanted...there were people standing all around me. I've always been somewhat of a private, quiet, person; not very good with emotions and expressing them without feeling lame or ridiculous. I hated having to look at her, wasting away just skin and bones laying there with tubes all over the place. I hated not being able to tell her how much I loved her and how happy she made my life. I remember leaving the house and driving in silence with my friend Rebekah. She knew better than to say anything. It started to snow, ever so lightly. I love snow. More than anything. It snowed when I was born. It snowed, once, on my birthday and it was my favorite birthday. In short-I love snow. After it started snowing. Rebekah looked at me and said "it's snowing, Kara". I just nodded. My phone rang at that moment. My mother told me that Mamaw was gone. It was a beautiful moment. Even though I was sad...horribly sad...I knew that she was ok.
My mamaw was amazing. An angel who I met in the snow. An angel who left me in the snow. 
I have my own real snow angel now. Not many people can say that. But I can.